Darrian Gerard

In this interview, Darrian Gerard opens up about the vulnerability behind “GOING THROUGH IT,” discussing self-doubt, creative independence, raw iPhone recordings, and transforming emotional chaos into an intimate, cathartic anthem.

1. “GOING THROUGH IT” lives in an emotional in-between—hope, doubt, vulnerability all overlapping. What moment or feeling first sparked this song for you?

The feeling of doubt and nit-picking every little thing that was happening during that time in my life is what sparked this song for me. I didn’t even mean to start writing a song, but whenever I start to feel vulnerable or emotional, lyrics just start pouring out of me. So I opened up my notes app and started writing down lines about how I was feeling in that moment, then all of sudden I had my guitar in my hand and an entire song was written in one afternoon.

2. You wrote, recorded, played every instrument, and produced the track yourself. How does total creative control shape the way you tell emotional stories in your music?
It’s honestly my favourite thing in the world. Yeah, sometimes it’s difficult and I want a second opinion on things, or for someone to come in and just make it sound amazing, but the results and feeling of accomplishment when you do everything yourself and finish it… it’s unlike any other feeling. Like yeah, I did that!! Just me!! Sometimes I think it probably hinders me a bit, but at the end of the day I get to say it’s MY music and my ideas and my thoughts getting translated into a song. My music is the most important thing to me, and I feel like I get to be the most real and most myself when I do it all.

3. The demo was created with just an acoustic guitar, your phone, and a laptop. How did that stripped-down environment influence the honesty and intimacy of the final song?
When I wrote and recorded the initial demo of this song I was actually at my sister’s house without any of my producing gear. I just had my acoustic guitar, my iPhone, and my laptop. I was in an extremely emotionally vulnerable state and sometimes when I get like that I know I just have to create. It kind of all feels like a blur to be honest, I wrote the song so quickly and then knew I needed to translate it into a production so I just got right to it in my sister’s living room. By being alone and without all my production tools, I feel like it allowed me to just spill my guts and write about exactly how I was feeling.

4. You chose to keep the iPhone voice memo vocals in the finished production. What did that raw texture capture that a traditional studio take couldn’t?

I just honestly loved how raw my voice sounded on my iPhone voice memo. I knew I had to keep it in there. I tried re-creating it when I actually recorded the song but it just didn’t sound as raw and real as the voice memo clip. By keeping that in there, I feel like it leaves a little piece of me in the song and just exactly how emotionally exhausted and vulnerable I was in that moment. It’s a super special piece of the song for me.

5. Lyrically, the song explores longing for clarity and realizing you might be more invested than the situation allows. Was this song more cathartic or confronting for you as a writer?
I’d say a little bit of both. I tend to write about things before they’re over – maybe it’s a coping mechanism for me. When I finished writing it I went straight into the production. I remember dancing around thinking “Wow! What a tune!” and then like, reality sets in about how I’m actually feeling and why I wrote this song. It was like metaphorically the lights dimmed, my smile faded, the world slowed, the dancing stopped and I was like “wow… what a tune…” hahah.

6. With GOING THROUGH IT being highlighted at the Women In Music event in Toronto, how do you hope audiences connect with this song when they hear it live?
Soooo many people go through heartbreak and hardships and just difficult times in their life and I feel like GOING THROUGH IT really captures feeling like a fool for thinking something is going to work out when you were so sure it was going to at some point. I hope the people in the crowd who might be hearing it for the first time can relate to it in a way that also helps them push through the emotional fog they may be in just like writing it did for me.

Darrian Gerard